D-Day aka SA Results

It may be a let-down that this post doesn't cover my husband's experiences with providing his sperm sample, but I just don't feel I could do it justice to summarize his experience. I'll have to see if I can convince him to author a post and share his perspective on this himself. I think it'd be more authentic that way. Oh honey...

So as I already detailed in my first post, my husband received the dreaded news from my OB/GYN that he had no sperm, which is also known as azoospermia. I wasn't home at the time, and didn't know yet. When I did get home, he didn't answer to my calls. Was he upstairs, or outside, or something? I headed upstairs, and I was taken aback as I saw him standing in our master bathroom, in front of his vanity. The look on his face said it all: something was wrong.

We had been waiting several days for the SA results, so it didn't automatically occur to me that it was this that could cause him to be so upset. When I asked him what was wrong, he simply stated that the test results were in and that he...had...no...sperm. What?! What do you mean you don't have any sperm? What does that even mean? You don't have any at all??

I was surprised at how calmly I was reacting. It was very surreal. There we were, discussing one of the most shocking moments of our lives, and I felt like everything was moving in slow motion. A good chunk of my world had just been pulled out from under me, and all my assumptions and hopes about getting pregnant as soon as we were ready to were dashed in the few seconds it took for him to tell me the diagnosis.

The rest of that conversation is a bit of a blur for me. I remember breaking down and crying at one point, but it wasn't even a real hearty cry. It was a I'm-just-so-shocked-I-don't-know-what-the-hell-to-do type of cry. And my hubby was pretty stoic yet emotional at the same time, if that makes sense.

For all you men out there, take note. It never once occurred to me that I should leave my husband because he could not father my child. This is something that he felt would be a horrible yet acceptable course of action on my part, considering our situation. That is not what marriage is about, and I knew we just needed to process this information and figure out where to go from there - together.

He had to go through some additional tests to determine whether he had a blockage or not (he didn't), and the last resort (extracting some sperm through needle aspiration of the testes) was dashed when the urologist didn't think that a viable option.